Each day is a battle, a battle I can’t put into words. A battle I face day-to-day. I’ve suffered with anxiety and depression for over 4 years and I’ve learnt it’s not a case of getting over it (as someone once said) it’s learning to accept and live with it. Every day is completely different, some days I jump out of bed in an amazing mood ready to face the day whereas others I just want to stay in my pyjamas and have a lazy day with Archie and not answer the door to anyone.
Over these last few months I’ve had to push myself a lot. I’ve visited places I’ve never been before, I now stand in the play ground 3 days a week. The first initial school run was daunting but now I wouldn’t change it for the world. Watching my little madams face light up when she sees me there, fills me with love.
Mental illnesses are always unspoken of, but why? You shouldn’t judge a book by its cover as you don’t know what lays within. A smile can hide a million worries, problems or even fears.
Ever since having Archie I’ve always had a fear that I couldn’t go into a coffee shop by myself with him, single mum or not. The fear was always there. I always had that fear what if someone looks at me, what if he bursts into tears… It’s taken me 13 months to finally push myself – with my 4-year-old niece in tow of course.
I took the terrible 2 into nandos by myself today. You may think this is nothing and quite normal in your day-to-day life. Well it’s been a huge fear and I honestly couldn’t be prouder of myself. The trouble makers had loads of fun and I had my first nandos in god knows how long – it was needed!
That’s not saying next time will be any easier as each day is a different day and I’m faced with new battles as they arise. I’m good at hiding my true emotions and what is going on in my head – too much at times.
There’s no reason to be cruel to others, you never know what’s going on already in their lives. Be kind, caring and support those around you. They may not shout out for help, I never.. but I still needed an open ear. For those suffering, it’s okay to not be okay. We’re all in this together x